Just about four years ago, fresh from the birth of my third daughter, still sleepless and ragged from birth, I stepped into my first TIMBO circle.
I was interested in communicating with my body more effectively in times of stress. I remembered reading a book, The Happiness Hypothesis, long ago that used an analogy of a human being like a rider on top of an elephant. Sometimes we like to think of ourselves as just the person, conscience of past and future, rational and intellectual, but it is a mistake to forget about the elephant.
The elephant is represents our survival nature. The ancient body who is responsive to our most fundamental needs, and can set off a chain of reactions effortlessly out of fear or desire. In the event that the elephant is spooked or engaged, there is little the rider can do to stop the massive beast.
I felt that in my own body. I had an intellectual understanding of what I wanted. I knew the what was a healthy choice and what was a destructive one. And yet, sometimes it would feel like I was futilely flailing a whip on a determined animal set to run it's familiar route.
TIMBO’s set up was simple, a group of women sitting together. There was some reading/writing prompts, space to share, and an ever present reminder to bring your attention to the way that your body was responding to the work. Then there was yoga and meditation. Yet, the results were transformative.
Creating awareness for body’s reactions to stress has given me a powerful new gift. Choice. That awareness was coupled with acceptance, which in turn gave me space. The space to choose what to do next.
I was no longer the animal propelled by the ancient tradition of survival. I could check. Does this situation merit this reaction? Does it serve me in this moment? Maybe not. I could stop breathe, asses, and perhaps do something totally new.
I learned so much in that experience, and that learning deepened that each time I joined another circle. I felt called powerfully to the work and several times, I tried to sign up for the facilitator training only to be foiled by COVID. I nurtured my growing interested in the ways that we can retune to live in better alignment. I took every opportunity to check in with Sue Jones, the founder of TIMBO to ask if she was ready to open up the program to more facilitators.
After years of persisting, I got my wish. I am at last getting a chance to go through this training. It will be a year and a half apprenticeship model with a cohort of 5 other woman. I would like to invite you to join me. Initially, I'll be writing about my experiences and learning in the class. I am excited to open up my own circles of strength, because I think the work is much bigger.
I believe that change happens in fractals. This idea comes from Adrienne Marie Brown. She argues, effectively, that change self replicates from the most fundamental pattern. The large is revealed by and grows out from the smallest pieces.
This is why the work, this healing work feels so important. Imbalanced effort will lead to imbalance solutions. A force driven by fear, hurt and anger will only self replicate the same. If we are to turn the tide in this world, we need to start with our own drop of impact on ourselves and each other.
The concept of fractals of change empowered me to really focus on those internal systems and do the healing work in my relationship to self. This is the key to making larger change possible.
The embodied practices completely transformed my relationship to myself, and created an internal building block that is much more balanced and true to the values which I want to live into in this world. This in turn moved out to the way which I treat and communicate with my children, my partner, and my community. In the summer of 2022, when I decided to run for state representative, I wrote "it is time to fractal up." The changes and growth that I had made allowed for enough ease that I was ready to set the patterning out into the larger context.
The idea for this space is to tell that story. To start with part one: the internal and healing work possible in that TIMBO circle. I feel called to share my experiences with others, which might allow for it to be a siren song into this hard and beautiful work.
In a meta way, this also represents me taking on a larger patterning. For me, and many of the women I sit with, being vulnerable represents a place of real danger. To let the line shine in the corners of the closets where I've tried to shove all the bits of me which feel shameful and broken can easily send signals of internal distress. I just googled synonyms to vulnerable and I got "in danger" "at risk" "ill-protected" attackable" and so on. I even expanded the list and nothing in suggests a real truth which I have learned,
the self protective barriers that we put around ourselves to prevent other people from knowing who we truly are serve to isolate and disconnect us from what we need most: To be known, to be understood, and to be connected to others.
Of course, this is not to say that boundaries made from love and self respect are not critical to the work.
Which is all to say. I believe profoundly in this metaphor and this work. The current scope of the substack is to start with the internal healing work made possible by TIMBO, and that this likely only represents the beginning of the story.
I am so glad you are here (and made it through this lengthy introduction.) I hope to use this space to build a community around growth, healing and hope. I hope that you can chime in and be a part of this. I love the feedback of conversation and hope we made circles upon circles of connection and strength.
